Just thinking about that life is a thing I have to live makes me want to throw up. Makes me loose my breath for a second. Makes my heart skip a beat.
Life is not bad. I have chosen it this way and keep choosing it every day. I laugh so it hurts my stomach. I eat berries from our yard for every meal. I work, I make money. My family drive me crazy but yet makes me whole every day. I have my secret moments with only me and the existence; me and the silence. I have so many good things in my life. I am truly blessed.
But this journey, with so many great elements, is also a balance on a thin elastic line stretched between two mountains. I bounce up and down for every step and engage all muscles to not fall off… but it doesn’t help to engage all muscles if I want to keep that balance.. If I hold the muscle who makes me breath, the muscle who makes me smile from my heart, the muscle I need to move my feet…
And that is why just thinking about the future, that I have to somehow fight my way to the end of that line, onto the next mountain, how that make me want to throw up. I’m constantly looking for a way around it. Can I jump off? Maybe I can. Maybe I’ll land in a comfortable bed of clouds. Maybe a bird will catch me and bring me to a safe shore.
Cause what is really the scariest, jumping or keep going? What is really the scariest, perusing a successful music career, or jump off and let whatever happen..?