© 2016 Eli Gauden 

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Back in Boston

May 9, 2017

I'm back in Boston. It's been 11 months since I, with tears and excitement, headed back to Norway. It feels like yesterday. I walk these same crooked streets, see the same smiles or new smiles, go to my regular coffee shop, feel the smell of bagels, hear the sound of sirens... it's all the same, like it used to be. The memories I thought were gone forever starts to come back, reminding me that the past years did actually happen…..

 

I never really enjoyed living in Boston. I could not fit in. But I felt so stupid and guilty every time I told people so. Why is it? Why am I so hard to satisfy? Am I just making up my own "misery"? Do I really have a reason to dislike this city? I couldn't explain why, so I did my best to ignore it and look at the bright side..there’s always some bright sides..

 

 

When now coming back to Boston, after a year in a very different country, I feel like my feelings regarding Boston is more valid. I am one country, one culture, once year of study, and one year of experience richer. And as I now walk around in the streets of Boston, it’s as I can see patterns in the cluster, see the clouds from the sky. It’s as if I see my own life in Boston from an outside point of view. And you know what, walking around is fine. It’s alright. I enjoy being a stranger in a place which feels so much like "home". But the feeling that has always been there is still there; I just don’t feel at ease in Boston. The streets drains my energy, and the rush confuses my inspiration, intensions and motivation. Tasks which I know I can achieve, suddenly seem undoable

 

..Luckily I see it so much clearer now.

 

The year in Spain made me realize that the place where you are really does matters. I’ve always tried to come to a new place with the mindset that it’s the people, what you do, and how much you engage in the society, which determine how you feel. I still believe that’s true, but to a certain extent. Being in an environment that supports more you’re outlook on life, your mental lifestyle, career and aspirations makes a good difference. Even if you’re only inside a building studying all day..like me..it still matters. ….I’m not saying Boston is a bad place for everyone..it’s just not for me. And I’m so glad I finally realized that, that I took a turn and went to Spain, and that I’m now going back to Norway to find back myself a little bit.

 

Cheers for life, choices, and being true to ourselves!

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