I just came home from a writing session with a wonderful Australian girl named Claudia(check out her beautiful Instagram account). Our writing included a lot of talking. Going through each other's stories are sometimes the best way to get to the music. Amongst the many topics we touched on, we talked about how we may be scared or worried in advance of a certain event or situation, even when we know it's gonna be just ifne. It was funny that we got into that topic, cause in fact I felt that exact feeling before meeting Claudia. I sat at home and felt tired and like I had nothing to come with. "Should I lie and tell her I'm sick?"
You may ask, why am I scared in such a situation? Cause it's new. She is awesome. What if I'm not able to come with anything. What if she don't like it. What if I say something stupid. I'm so tired. It's gonna be painful, I'm so so tired. I want to sleep. (it was still only 4pm).
Now I'm back home. It's 10 pm. I'm filled with energy, inspiration, happy thoughts, philosophical thoughts, new musical ideas, and brighter vision.
This all ties into something I've struggled with this year. At some point I got scared and uncertain about everything. I used to be naïve, positive, outgoing, and motivated…. But suddenly I got scared and stopped doing even the things I love. Just thinking about seeing someone, talking with someone, moving my body, playing a chord on the guitar…yes, everything made me tired, again, even just to think about. I'm still working my way out of it. I've not gotten far, but I've gotten to the point where I start to question it. What is really going on here?
Well, I'm definitely demotivated. I've been disappointed and my high ambitions are fighting reality. What it is exactly that gives me this low feeling and pushes me down, I don't know.
But, what I do know. Is that those things, which I think will suck out my energy, actually GIVE me energy when I do them. I know, this is nothing new, probably quite human and might "just" be a little winter-depression… But it's bad enough, and I wanted to write about it. As a reminder and eye-opener to myself and to other who may feel it likewise; Let's push each other(a little bit, not too much) and help each other remember what used to make us smile…..are peruse that!