Today I felt "normal". I got to work at 9, was home at 5, and spent the rest of the day reading, writing, drinking coffee..ya, just chilling. I felt no inner pressure to do more. I heard no devil-voices screaming that I had to create something or practice any instruments. I had simply done my duties for the day. It felt like I had a 9 to 5 job, just that my job was to record my new album.
Cause that's what I've done. Spent the day in studio. This feeling I have, that I'm talking about, is not the recording itself, which was super great and deserves it's own blog post. I'm talking about: Being able to spend only parts of the day working, and feel happy about it afterwards. To know you've made enough progress for one day. To not hate yourself for not working harder. And of course, to finally start seeing results after months and months of prepping, writing, worrying, frustrations, practicing, and organizing.
For those of you who work nine to five, who hate it, and think it sounds appealing to get up every day with nothing on your to-do list but "create something"... I can only say; the grass is always greener. A freelancer's life(at least an establishing artist's life) has it's charm and it's advantages. But it is a 24/7 job. You can always work better, there's always more to do, you've never done well enough… the list goes on.
Today I feel happy in a way I have not felt happy in a long time. I was surrounded with genuinely, super-kind people who happen to be brilliant on their instruments and work. They played MY songs, and made them sound a lot better. And I can't help myself but feeling extremely exited about showing you the result when it's done. Finally, again, I'm enjoying SO much, laying down in my bed, knowing that I did something today. I can take time to read the newspaper without feeling guilty.
As a conclusion I'm sending a high five to any struggling freelancers and bored 9 to 5'ers. The grass is always greener. I feel you. But most likely, there are reasons why you do what you do… :)