Travel, roads, choices, confusion, time, journeys, destination... Most my song-lyrics from the past 6 six months seem to be connected to this same theme: Travel vs. settlement. How do I settle? Where is my path? Will I ever find?
Right now, I'm working on a song about existence. Finding existence is also a travel, but it's the other side of the travel. It's the place where you stop seeking and start being. What I'm seeking through this song is a place in myself where I don't have to seek no longer. Yes, once again I'm taking my thought down a road with more questions then answers. But this is what happened:
During the year's beautiful Easter-vacation, with tons of outdoor-time and minimum work, I got reminded of what existence feels like. I sat far up in the mountain. Me and my dad had been skiing for three hours, and was now resting our legs and taking a sip of hot chocolate, before the last long hill. I looked out on the train of people aiming for the top. I leaned back and lifter my head towards the sun. Suddenly I felt like I belonged in the moment. Life made sense. I felt like I was only existing, with no external distractions, and that that itself was good enough. Just being. Skiing up a mountain, then skiing down the same path might now sound like the most rewarding activity. But it was. We did an activity, where the activity itself was the goal, and not just a path towards the goal. The feeling it gave us was the win.
After this trip I've been thinking about what it means to be. "Be in the moment" is a much talked about subject, maybe to the point where it starts to become something we have to achieve. The magazines talk about it as the true secret to success; "Be happy with yourself and live through every day". Sounds so beautiful, but do we really have to do this, if so, how? A man on the radio said the other day "you can't just be in the moment all the time. You got to live your life as well". When he said that, I felt the pressure decrease a tiny bit, and I started thinking; Can I be in the now, while I also rush through my day? ...I believe I can; if the activities I do are purposeful for myself, for the moment, or my life.. Then it doesn't matter if it's me taking a deep breaths in a downward dog, or if it is me running form one meeting to the other, to the gym, to the guitar lesson.
The problem…or my problem…is when everything I do seem be preparations for the future. With dreams and ambitions and creative ideas, what I do, easily become preparation. "I can't go to that concert, I need to practice". "I can't watch a movie, I need to read about Marketing strategies". "I can't spend the evening with my family…I need to writer something"…. I hunt for success, happiness and achievement. I compare and I hide. I'm left empty and constantly disappointed. My battery is on zero all the time. Naturally; I come nowhere.
When I'm now writing this song about existence, I try to accept the journey I'm on. To work and keep moving, but also let the road be my road. Don't try to fight it or escape it, but take every aspect of observe it. I often feel like nothing is going "my way". And often everything seems like preparations which never leads anywhere. Yet, my hope is that I can take it for what it is, feel it, and be it.
" Feel life like water
Running clean on your skin
Drink a glass of time as you
Voyage down the river stream "