A week ago I posted a video on Instagram where I talked about how nice it would be if I could just die, and turn into a flower instead. A little dramatic and sad, but also the truth at that moment. Today I got the news that a friend of mine passed away. Amongst wild flowers up in the mountainside, her heart suddenly gave in, and she fell asleep for a very last time.
There are no words to be said. Feelings can't be felt. Life is not the life I knew. It's like it has fooled me always, and today showed its truth. We all know that any day can be out last. But who believe that? How can we? Nothing is further then life and death, yet, if it's not one then it's the other. So far yet so close.
So why am I allowed to be alive and not her? Why am I allowed so wake up to the squawking seagull every morning, walk around in the high grass, pick pretty little flowers, get to work, have a family, keep learning and failing, and figuring life out? Why me, not her?
Back to the post about flowers and how peaceful it would be to be one of them. All I know now is that I don't want to die. I don't want to be a flower. I am incredibly lucky to be alive. Life is the most fragile thing we are given. It might be complicated and overwhelming, but one should never take being alive for granted.
Rest in peace, my dearest friend. You have always been will keep being a beautiful and warming flower!