I'm very confused. I'm very low. I'm very motivated to feel great. I believe highly in my own art and abilities. And I hate it too. The sky is the limit and my ambitions are up there. But I have no how, thus, I loose my reasons. A dream is not just a cliché, it's the warmth inside my soul and it's the motion inside my heart. I feel my dream like laughter and fresh air. I see it like smiles and sunrise.I close my eyes and it's so beautiful. But I open my eyes and it's painful… I followed what I thought should be my dream and my passion. And maybe it is, but it's still wrapped in misty confusion and inner failure. I heard the signs, but I chose the other way. Why? When did I become scared of my own thoughts?
I wonder, though, can dreams change? Yes, they sure can and do. But sometimes they don't. They keep scratching your mind with it's sharp nails. I'm told the right mindset and positive thinking can alter my longing, and turn it to a feeling of existence and appreciation of here. It's not about where I am or who I'm with, it's how I think.
But I'm also told I can go India on a Yoga camp and find myself, my inner peace, and true meaning. I'm told I only live once. I'm told to chase. Okay, so how much money and pollution to the air, should I sacrifice to hunt for my dreams and inner peace? Does happiness has a price?
In any way; I feel weak. I should stay here. If I "take care of myself" and sit home and wait, will my strength start growing again? Or will the strength come when I start acting bold and brave and do what I feel too weak for?
I'm stubborn. I don't want to give in to my weakness, but I also don't want to escape my weakness.
So here I am.
High ambition, wild dreams, but I don't find reason to move.