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Call my name // June 12

When all 7 songs had qualified for a spot on my EP, and I sat down to put them in order, that's when the common thread started to appear. The winds inside me calmed down and I could see the music and the purpose of it, more clearly.

The recording process has been just as bumpy and unorganized, on my side, as a narrow gravel-road in a mountain hill. The same has my life been for the last few years.

I have tried countless roads and approaches to life. I've been eager, impatient, and desperate for someone or something to come show me my direction. Give me a purpose. A road that doesn't go back to start…

"…I'm trapped in choices.

All roads are wrong and right.

Someone raise their voice.

Come give me a sign."

Call my name was not what I considered my strongest song, and at some point, I thought I'd skip it. But now, when I looked at it together with the others, it appears to me that this song sums up the EP with that one line "Call my name and I will come".

When I was younger I never had a need for others to show me where to go. But throughout college, I got a stronger and stronger sense of being on a road which led me no-where, at least not anywhere I wanted to be. To speak without metaphors; I had so much I wanted to do meanwhile I had no idea where to start.

I lost my guts, my will-power, and a fear of failing started sneaking up on me.

I just wished so much that someone would call me and be like "Hey Eli I'm moving to Nashville, wanna join for three months?" or "Hey Eli I got a job for you in Australia, wanna come?" or "Hey Eli, it's the man of your life calling, wanna build a home with me?"

It didn't matter so much what I'd do…I just missed doing something together with others, something that would lead forward.

However, I'm slowly learning to not wait for someone to show me a direction, or "call my name".

Maybe I don't need a man before I get the house. Maybe I don't need to live in the city to have a successful career. Maybe I don't need to write good songs to be a good human. That makes so much sense when I write it, but you know how thoughts and emotions are. They don't make much sense as long as you keep them inside you.

As I write I do not have a job. I live with my parents. I spend every day finding excuses to work in the yard. And for some reason, it's the most purposeful thing I've done in years.

Watching those baby-leaves grow taller and taller and learn ways to give them the best possible life… I can't explain it, but for me, that's purpose and a direction.

"...The blue horizon

Marks the wild unknown

There's somewhere waiting

On the other side of home..."


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