I didn't use to be scared to show my music. I honestly frowned at those who said that it takes courage to be a musician. Cause to me, I didn't cause me anything.
I guess that when people say that, they talk about how sharing personal stories and making yourself naked in front of an audience, takes some sort of courage. To me, that has just never been the difficult part of making music. I find a whole lot satisfaction in sharing my deepest thoughts, simply because I'm so convinced that many of us share these thoughts.
However, I started thinking about this today, cause I find myself really tense, nervous, and emotional after my release last Friday. Normally, after such a big event, I would be more active online, feel more creative, wanting to share... but now I've put on my bikini and straw-hat and do everything I can to ignore music.
As I ponder upon this, I start to realize that I expect to see an immediate response when I release music. And since that is not how this business works at all (I know that somewhere deep inside me)...
the anticlimax hit me crazily hard and the fear of failure sets in.
There's a fear of not being heard and of spending what feels like a lifetime on a product that won't make a difference. I guess everyone who's done some creative work or even just spent hours writing the perfect Facebook post, can relate to this. There's something about time investment vs. returns which should add up. But it doesn't always do…not immediately.
I need to learn this over and over again; That the music needs time to reach its audience and the audience needs time to take it in….
And, after all, I need time to eat watermelon and get sunburned and simply exist(without doing it as an escape from disappointing numbers).
I think my conclusion is that I'm not scared to SHOW my music. It has been made to be shown. But I am scared to SHARE it, for the fear of it not being heard....
Okay. I needed to share this because I just spent two hours trying to write an exciting and fun facebook update....but simply couldn't find words. But now when this is said, and while the music is living its own life for a little bit, I'll go back to the sun, beach, watermelon, and yard-work...and enjoy that:)
And if you do want to enjoy my music while doing so…you know where to find it.