Last Christmas I wrote a song called “I wish I was”. It came from a frustrated, dissatisfied, and angry state of mind, where I wished for all the things I don’t have, everything I’m not, all the ways I could be a more perfect me, all the guys that don’t want me, all the dreams I have not achieve…and so on. The same thought came to mind a few night ago when I was out walking in the dark. This year, however, I recognized how little helpful it is to wish for being someone/somewere/something I'm now (yet). I realize how much energy and time it steals; Energy and time I just DON'T want to waste this Christmas.
We all have ideas in our heads of things we wish to achieve, and what we believe will give us satisfaction and a sense of happiness. And as I look at my dreams, longing, as well as fears and dissatisfaction, it all leads down to this one thing; wishing for happiness. I dream about getting my music heard; then I will be happy. I dream about being thin; then I will be happy. I dream about creating my own family; then I will be happy. ...I just dream and dream about being happy. But for Gods sake, what does “happy” even mean? What is this thing called “happiness” that I‘ve made myself believe that I can only get in the future when I’ve got life all solved out? What is this thing I’m sitting around waiting for?
I’ve done some thinking...an I wonder.. Who else then myself says that I am not suppose to be satisfied with who I am right now? Who else them myself says it’s not okay that I'm not yet a successful artist yet? Who else then myself(and my old-fashion grandma) says it’s wrong to be 25 and unmarried? Who says I shouldn’t be able to enjoy life WHILE working towards my dreams?
I know, it sounds pretty obvious, right? It's the same "new" that popps up on our Facebook wall everyday; "find your inner peace", "how to be happy"...etc.. But it doens't always help to be told what to do, you have to find the answers yourself... And this year, I’ve little by little, understood what it means to appreciate my days, find the good moments, and trust where time is taking me. Longing may make us work harder to get to our dreams. But it can also bring you down and overshadow the good things you actually have in your life. We are humans and will be longing as long as we live, but if you’re like me -sitting around waiting for happiness to fall down from the sky- what about we take action and do something about it..?
Happiness is a choice, with a little bit of effort we can create it - right here right now!
